May 2007

You wake up thinking it is going to be a beautiful day because the roses that have been trying to die for months, finally decided to bloom.

You look up and notice a dark cloud looming in the horizon.

You know in your heart that a storm is beginning to brew, a storm that your family will never recover from.

Everything you have ever truly believed in is false.

Absolutely nothing is the way you thought it was.

Your confidence as a parent is shaken to the very core.

The man you would have died for is not the man you thought he was.

You discover that love is not unconditional, that it is possible for love to turn to utter hatred in a blink of an eye.

You feel yourself drowning in an angry sea of pain and sorrow.

This is one nightmare that you are not going to wake up from.

There aren’t going to be any rainbows.

In that moment you realize that life will never again be the same.

Breathe in, breathe out, repeat as needed to sustain life. Most of the time, this one will take care of itself.

If it is absolutely necessary to go somewhere, put your left foot in front of your right foot, then your right foot in front of your left.

Repeat as often as necessary, or until someone says you are there. When you arrive, you may need to ask someone why you are there, because you have likely forgotten. If they don’t know why, it probably wasn’t all that important.

Don’t bother making a list. You won’t be able to find it anyway. If you do find it, you won’t know what anything on it means.

Open mouth, chew, and swallow food occasionally. This may be especially important if it has been more than a few days.

Tasting the food, or remembering what you ate is not important, as long as you remember to feed the kids and the dog. Don’t worry. They will remind you.

If there are fires that are threatening to cause excessive damage, you may need to put them out. Start with the big ones first. Some of them can be left to burn themselves out. Occasionally asking a friend to put the dang things out is okay.

That funny ringing you keep hearing is the phone. Don’t throw it in the garbage. You may want it again some day. Just ignore it. Voice mail will pick it up eventually.

Don’t look at the tequila bottle. If you have one shot, you will want the entire bottle, which won’t be the smartest thing you have ever done if you have forgotten to open your mouth, chew, and swallow food occasionally. It won’t help you sleep. It will just make you sick.

If you smell something funny, it might be you. Consider taking a shower and brushing your teeth. If that takes too much energy, let the dogs up on your lap. They will lick the tears from your face and give you a little sponge bath.

When all of the above things fail to get you through the day, tell God you are weary, and let him take the wheel for a bit.