Surrounded in a million unseen faces, all in such a hurry to go somewhere, anywhere. Or, maybe nowhere . . .
Suffocating in the mass of people.
Yearning for the nearly forgotten familiar feeling of southern tranquility, not understanding where it has gone.
So very afraid that I may never find it again.
Realizing that home isn’t here anymore, or maybe it never was.
Wondering where it is . . .
In a world which often makes very little sense to me, there is one thing I know I can always count on, the absolute killer smile of my kid.
Life could be falling down around us, and it doesn’t matter to her. She shuts it all out, puts on that dangerously wicked grin, and just enjoys the thrill of the slide. I am very blessed.
Texas has been good for the kid, but life is much the same. She still loves nature, especially around water.
She still loves to play in the park.
And of course, climb the monkey bars.
Her cell phone still rings way more often than mine does.
And, she still abandons me at the first sight of a skater.
The more things change . . .
Oh well, I can always go back to taking grass pictures.
At least the ugly adorable duck still likes me. 
Over the last 18 months we have faced a roller coaster of challenges, triumphs, setbacks, heartache, and pain. Through it all, I have learned that I can choose to wallow in self pity, drown the sadness in brandy, or I can choose to make a DECISION to start truly living again, to pull myself up by the bootstraps and find my own happiness, somewhere deep in that open field within my soul.
I choose to start living again.
Now it is a matter of going through the steps that will make it possible.
1. Focus on raising my daughter, spending more quality time with her, while bringing joy and laughter into her life. This is usually as simple as handing the kid money and taking her shopping. 
2. Get out of the apartment (and away from the computer) every single day, even if I just go for a 30 minute walk or swim in the early morning light, or spend time browsing through Borders. It may even be time to start another 30 day photo journey. It’s pretty tough to feel anything but joy while photographing ducks playing and bathing in the pond.
3. Get back in the gym again. One of the things I have missed most from Mississippi is my daily workouts at the gym and evening walks at the track. It always gave me time to work through the thoughts in my head, and just plain made me feel better.
Tomorrow morning I will be going with my son to join the local gym (Spectrum) here. Okay, I know it isn’t enough to join. Turns out it only works if ya actually go and do something beyond sitting in the lounge drinking coffee and watching the old guys sweat. So yeah, it time to put myself back on a daily workout schedule. Does this mean I get to go through the sore muscles all over again?
Should I order stock in Icy Hot now?
Look out folks, I am back …
“Here I go again on my own, goin’ down the only road I’ve ever known. Like a drifter I was born to walk alone. An’ I’ve made up my mind, I ain’t wasting no more time.” Here I Go Again (Whitesnake)
Have you ever had the feeling that you should have known, but then realize that somehow you knew all along, but didn’t want to know? You wanted the happiness so badly that you ignored that it just wasn’t right, it wasn’t meant to be.
I think sometimes we think that we can create the life we want for ourselves. We forget that there are some things that we have absolutely no control over.
Some of us (me) are simply meant to be alone.
There is no reason to fight it.
It just is …
Woah! Cricket’s gone pink? What’s up with that? Yeah, I don’t see me as a pink kind of girl either, so it takes something very important for me to decide to make my blog so pink. Any ideas? Yup, you guessed it. October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month.
“Breast Cancer Awareness Month is an annual international health campaign organized by major breast cancer charities every October to increase awareness of the disease and to raise funds for research into its cause, prevention and cure. The campaign also offers information and support to those affected by breast cancer.” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Breast_Cancer_Awareness_Month
I would like to challenge all of my readers to “go pink” on their own blogs for the month of October. If you don’t like messing with CSS, you can download the Breast Cancer Awareness Theme free of charge.
With only 23 days left until we see Mississippi in our rear view mirror, we decided to spend the day out on a long country ride taking pics.
Even though we faced some of the biggest challenges we have ever faced here, we will also be leaving some of our fondest memories, such as meeting friends who will now forever be family, and tequila brave midnight motorcycle rides. Of course that memory led to me spending hours drooling over Kawasaki motorcycles online.
Looking down over Grenada Lake.
Turtle soup?
Okay fine, I didn’t run over it, or cook the dang thing. Haley even gave him a gentle ride to the edge of the road so no one would squash it.
Lost in thoughts . . .
Uh huh . . .
Okay, so I am goofy. What’s your point?
Just for Mikey . . .
Did you see that?
Oh yeah . . .
Lord have mercy . . .
Ummmmm . . . Yeah . . .
Hey Mikey!
Okay, ya know dang well I had to convert one to black and white.
When I need to reflect on life, I tend to head down to the river. There is something about the boat landing that has a way of helping me accept and deal with the challenges life places in my path.
“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity.” Gilda Radner, 1946-1989
I never tire of watching the water and reflecting …
Don’t you just love summer?
What the heck happened?
Where did she go?
I blinked my eyes for just one second, and suddenly my little girl is growing up before my very eyes.
I was lost in a world of confusion
searching for what, I did not know
every turn I took was the wrong one
leading me further and further away
So very weary of searching
I found myself going back
back to where it all began
to where I first started running
It was then I discovered
what I had been looking for
you were right there in front of me
you have been there all along . . .
You are the kind of friend that only comes along once in a lifetime.
You know the good, the bad, and the ugly about me, and you still put up with me anyway, because we are friends.
We share tears during heartbreaks, words of encouragement during challenging times, and above all we share laughter.
Even now, as I look back at all the hilarious stories you have told me, they still make me laugh until my cheeks hurt.
You have never been afraid to tell me when I have done a good job, nor to tell me straight up when I am being stupid.
You just tell me how it is.
Lord, we have played so many late night games of online pool, just to keep us sane when life was threatening to overwhelm us.
Have you ever admitted to a single soul how often I win?
When Haley goes through those times of wanting to rebel against the system, lashing out in anger and crying tears of frustration, you talk to her for hours and always end up singing Skippppppppy for her, never failing to bring a smile back to her face.
When y’all are done talking, she gets that silly grin and reminds me that Mikey said I needed to buy her Doritos and Skittles.
You have always been there for the friends in your life, giving all you have to give, expecting nothing in return. Once I asked you why you had done something for us, something we did not ask you for. Your response was so simple – because we are family.
You cannot explain friendship like that. It just is.
We miss you so very much Mikey.
Please get well soon.
We were gonna spend the day doing a photo shoot, but . . .
Sometimes, ya just have to take time to play.
Hang on for dear life, and enjoy the laugh.
Dang! It is harder to climb these than I remember!
This little girls seems to be explaining to Haley that there is a much easier way to climb to the top.
I think that little kid just kicked me off the monkey bars!
Ya still have to stop to take time for phones calls.
Smelling the flowers . . .
And eventually . . .
A nap in the afternoon sun.
Sometimes life throws us a few curves, like the wind picking up when we are simply trying to get a drink of water.
Instead of giving up, block the wind, and take a drink anyway.
When I saw the look on her face, with a camera in her hands, I recognized the feeling immediately. She was lost in another world.
I am never going to get my camera back, am I?
It was clear from the start that she was completely at ease with a camera in her hands, almost as if it were a part of her.
For the next several hours, I never saw her without the camera in front of her face, concentrating on the world through her lens.
Unless of course, she was walking away, looking for the next shot.
Since I already had 347 shots of the back of her head, I thought I might as well wander off and find a shot of my own. (I figured she had to run out of memory or battery power sooner or later.)
I grabbed a quick shot of some of our flooding around here. I love the way the creek drops off, making a miniature waterfall. One of these days I will get better at water shots, but it sure aint gonna be today.
All of the sudden, the kid decides to grace me with a look at her face and a cute lil grin. What did I do to deserve it? I’m a great mom?
Nope! She was about out of natural light and battery power.
You won’t be seeing the pictures Haley takes here on my blog. She wants her own domain to post pictures and stuff she writes.
How did I know that was going to happen?
Sometimes, no words are needed . . .
Running into the wind, the sun setting on my back
tears blurring the winding trail beneath my feet
hoping I can run hard enough this time
to escape from what, I do not know
My pulse pounding in my ears
drowning out every thought
but not the emptiness
Wondering how far I have to run
before it all begins to subside
afraid it is me I am running from
The sweat pours down my face
gasping for air, for one little breath
searing pain races through my muscles
reminding me I am still alive
Craving peace and tranquility in my life
praying God will send an angel to my soul
to put all the broken pieces back together
Then I see it there
one little dandelion
just defying the wind
daring me to make a wish
Sometimes I see the world in black and white, with huge looming challenges blocking my view of the world.
Soon though, I see the guardrail keeping me safe, keeping me from wandering too close to the edge.
Then the storms begin to clear . . .
And once again, I can see the beauty all around me.
Huh Haley? What do you mean you aint in the mood to have your picture taken today? What am I gonna take a picture of in the middle of Batesville, Mississippi for heaven sake? A dang water water spigot?
Awwww… C’mon! Just one picture?
Nope, forget it Mom. It aint a picture taking kind of day.
Okay fine. How about a Starbucks Coffee sign? Oh wait a minute. Lord have mercy they are open, let’s go have some coffee!
Okay kid, you leave me no option but to call this day Grab Bag Day Friday Photos, cuz now I am taking pictures of an open sign.
How stupid is that?
Okay wait a sec, I kinda like this lil baby bloom starting on this tree.
Ya know I still wonder about this railroad crossing signal. Have you ever seen a train come through here? Nope? Me neither.
Okay, I may have reached my limit on pictures of train tracks.
Ya know what Haley? This lil pavilion would sure look better if there was SOMEONE in it! Like YOU maybe?
Never mind … This bird is begging to have his picture taken.
Okay this picture sucks, but this lil guy was a zillion feet over my head on the highline wire and he was singing at the top of his lungs.
If ya keep looking back, you are gonna run into something in front of ya. Be aware of what is behind ya, but keep your focus forward.
It’s true. The very best things in life, really are free.
If you try to explain to the officer that the light was NOT red, it was just a little pink, he is gonna crack up laughing, but he is still gonna give ya the ticket. The judge isn’t gonna fall for it either, so ya might
as well go ahead and pay the stupid fine.
When the water is cold, sometimes ya just gotta close your eyes and jump in or you are gonna get stuck watching everyone else have fun.
Laugh more often, especially at the stupid things in life.
Someone once told me that the definition for insanity can be found in doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results. I do my best to keep this in mind with everything I do.
If you are going to love someone, do so with your whole heart.
It is easier to find tranquility in your heart if you live your life by the serenity prayer. Change the things ya can. Forget the things ya can’t change, and make dang sure ya know the difference between the two so ya don’t waste a lot of time.
Some people just weren’t meant to be city folks.
