Cricket's Thoughts

Who She Is Inside . . .

Once a very long time ago, a lifetime ago, I wandered into a huge corn field. I am not sure what I was looking for, but I found myself walking deeper and deeper into the field, without conscience thought.

It wasn’t long before I found myself completely lost, disoriented, and afraid in the middle of the field. The sun was going down. Darkness was nearly upon me. I couldn’t see over the rows. There was no sense of beginning or end. I was certain that I would never find my way out.

At the very moment that I felt myself nearly overwhelmed with panic, I realized how foolish I was being. All I needed to do was walk straight ahead. The rows of corn stalks would guide me out.

I had no clue if it was going to take me a few minutes or a few hours, but it wasn’t important anymore. Eventually, in the full moon, I would be able to see clearly again, or at least enough to know where I was, enough to find my way back, back to where I belonged.

Over time, I finally came to find comfort in those fields.

When I needed peace, when I needed to belong, I searched for the fields. It did not matter if they were wide open fields of golden wheat, or fields filled with rolling hills of wildflowers. They all brought me tranquility, a secret moment of joy that I could claim as my very own.

Most of all, I dreamed of losing myself in the middle of a field of Texas Bluebonnets, perhaps because they represented home to me, the place where I was so very sure I could return to. Maybe I wanted to believe in fairy tales again. I don’t honestly know.

Then once again, the darkness found me . . .

Again, I found myself completely lost, disoriented, and afraid in the middle of the field. Confusion overwhelmed because I knew in my heart that I had already overcome this moment.

Why then was I so very lost?

I have since come to realize that the field is somewhere inside me. The bluebonnets are every time my kid smiles at me, or I hear her laughter.

My kid smiles at me . .

It’s up to me to find that peace within me, no matter where I am.

That does not mean that I don’t hope to someday be able to live in the country again, because I do. I still dream of a little place somewhere up in the Hill Country with wide open fields, fields with no dark corners.

But to find joy, I need look no further than the silly antics of the child that has spent far too much time in drama class this last semester.

far too much time in drama class . . .

I only have to look at the child that has learned not only to tolerate the camera, but who has learned to love it, to ham it up and love life.

hamming it up . . .

Why? Because when I look at the pure and natural beauty of her, I can be so very proud to know that I had a part in who she is today . . .

Who she is inside . . .

A blessing in my life .

Haley Britton Walker

I love you Haley Britton Walker, and I am so very proud to be your mama. You are so stunningly beautiful, inside and out.

Thank you for being my kid, for being who you are . . .

Cricket Walker

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  • Reply Sammy April 26, 2009 at 8:39 am

    Very good it seems that Judy has emerged from the beyond to know where she belongs. Just maybe she will find peace of mind more often. I sit here with a tear in my eye knowing I am a man and should never show my true feelings but there you go I guess we all have to let go one time or another. Keep it up Judy and soon you will find that the corn field you have use to hide your feelings will soon give fruit and you will enjoy the out come. Take care Sam

  • Reply Haley April 26, 2009 at 3:38 pm

    I love you too, Mum 🙂

  • Reply Cricket Walker April 26, 2009 at 3:40 pm

    You are still grounded kid. (grin)

    *Figuring out how to padlock the laptop. 🙂

  • Reply J. Kay Green May 1, 2009 at 9:32 pm

    Your Haley is beautiful. Funny how we both share the name Judith and also have daughters named Haley

  • Reply M.B. June 2, 2009 at 6:31 pm

    I like this one, Haley looks awesome like always..and awesome Editing done to the pictures<3

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