I’m a bit anxious and more than a little irritable. I have had a pounding headache since about noon. The weirdest sensation is a feeling that I am forgetting something very important that I should be doing.

I have no interest in talking, and most noises bother me right now. I would love to be able to fall asleep and wake up in a few weeks, already past all of this.

After nearly 34 years smoking, there just aren’t too many activities that I don’t associate with smoking, so telling me to find different activities to distract me for the first few days is a bit pointless.

I associate everything with smoking.

I’m not going to lie to you and tell you that it is easier than I expected. It’s not. Every time I think it can’t get much worse, it does.

The most difficult moments are those when, without thinking, I reach for a cigarette, and suddenly realize that they are not there.

Whoever decided to describe the feeling during those moments as “urges” couldn’t possibly be a smoker. Urge, doesn’t come close to describing the feeling that comes in overwhelming waves periodically throughout the day.

Telling me to chew gum, suck on a lemon drop, or drink a glass of water until the moment passes feels a bit like handing a fireman a squirt gun to put out a fire.

It doesn’t matter though, because the decision has been made.

I will beat this addiction. I will succeed.